Christmas is 277 days away. Time to kick back and enjoy spring - or is it?
I have quite a few birthday and anniversary gifts to buy between now and then. And there'll be a few engagements and weddings - and showers of one type or another. Oh, I forgot about graduation and baptism gifts.
Darn! There's holiday gifting too, but don't panic. The more imagination you put into holiday gifts, the more money you save.
Most people give champagne for New Year's. Instead, give my grandmother's hangover recipe. Just hearing the ingredients is a sobering experience.
No candy for Valentines - too expensive. Instead, get day passes from your gym. There're free. If that makes you feel a little cheap, cut them into heart shapes.
St. Patrick's Day's in March. Present yourself as the designated driver.
No candy for Easter either; but in keeping with tradition, the 99 cent store should have rabbits' feet. No, maybe "Paying Taxes for Dummies" would be better.
I've thought and thought, but there's now way out of giving mothers flowers for their day. After all, they gave us life.
For Father's Day every dad would like a bigger screen TV, but who can afford it? Instead, offer to move his chair closer to the TV he has now.
What's July 4th without fireworks; and what's fireworks without - a first aid kit.
Then there's August. August is a gift you can give yourself. It has no major holiday!
Then it's Labor Day. Offer to go to the thrift store for your friends. Take the maternity clothes they've stored in their attics for unsuspecting daughters-in-law.
By Halloween you realize Christmas is only two months away. If you look in the mirror, you'll get inspiration to make an inexpensive, but very scary mask for you child.
Thankfully, there are several inexpensive gifts for Thanksgiving, for which your thanks is combined with giving - No-Doz, bigger belts and twelve-step programs for college football withdrawal.
Now it's Christmas, but again don't panic. There's one gift you can give anyone. It's the one that fits all occasions - money.
You don't have to worry about size, including batteries, duplicating someone else's gift or giving something the person already has.
Okay. Some people think giving money is crass and shows lack of effort and imagination. Well, excuse me. It took effort to earn the money; and if the recipient doesn't know what to do with it - that shows lack of imagination!
KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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