"Don't put all your eggs in one basket". I grew up hearing that advice; but I'd never thought of my purse as a basket - until it was stolen. Then I was a basket - case.
At first I couldn't believe it. My purse had been pilfered! Purloined! Filched! Absconded with! My just-been-to-the-ATM cash was gone. My credit cards were gone. My driver's license was gone. I called the police to report the theft, but I should have called a psychiatrist too. My identity was gone!
My notebook, my makeup bag and my mini pharmacy were gone. Everything was gone except me. I couldn't go anywhere because my car keys were gone.
While I waited for my husband to bring another set of keys, I kept asking myself, "Why me?" In the past when a waitress, a flight attendant or some other Good Samaritan had run after me waving a purse, it wasn't mine. It was my husband's.
My purse! My purse! My purse! It might have been my imagination, but when my husband was assuring me our insurance would cover everything, his lips looked pursed. No, they definitely were. Decreasing my worry was going to increase our insurance cost.
First, I had to list the contents of my purse on an insurance form. Birthday gift pen, glasses, cell phone, pill box - how was a former, always-be-prepared Girl Scout meant to remember everything that was in her purse and how was she meant to list what she remembered on just ten lines.
After filling out the form I had to close my checking account, cancel my credit cards and apply for a new driver's license. Frankly, waiting in line at the DMV should have been a punishment for whoever stole my purse.
Nevertheless, the thief had unintentionally done me a favor. I replaced my purse with a smaller one - not another shoulder suitcase. By taking the weight off my shoulders - so to speak - the thief improved my posture.
Looking on the bright side, however, didn't keep me from seeing reality. To keep my purse from being stolen again I did two things. First, I vowed to keep it in contact with my body whenever I was in public.
Second, I prominently displayed a special note inside. It's addressed to Not-so-dear-thief and says, "Please rethink your life and go straight. On your way, please drop my purse into the nearest mailbox".
KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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